These are the thoughts of a cantankerous ol' gynecologist who remembers when things were a little different. I try to find a little humor in my life and the people I meet along the way. Come meet the characters in my world.

Friday, April 27, 2012

Many Doctors are Creative

Ever wonder what doctors do in their spare time?  Here’s the web site and description of one really creative pediatrician.  He combines his love of woodworking with his love of kids:

Hallowell Woodworks, LLC is a one man woodworking business located in the beautiful and eclectic city of Hallowell, Maine. Although officially established in 2011, I have been a passionate woodworker dating back to 1988 when I built a cradle for my first born child. As I constructed the cradle, I was amazed at how it was possible to take rough cut lumber and create what would one day become a family heirloom, enjoyed by many generations to come.

I have been a practicing general pediatrician for the last twenty-two years and during this time, I have always been thinking about a way to combine my love of woodworking and my love of pediatrics. I have recently embarked on designing and turning a line of custom, heirloom baby rattles. The rattles are the result of my personal observations of infant development and are designed to enhance your infant’s auditory, visual and tactile senses. Each rattle is custom turned in my shop and finished with a natural, baby safe finish composed of mineral oil and beeswax. I have been quite pleased with the positive feedback I have received from parents as well as the smiles on the faces of their babies. I have full confidence that you too will be pleased with your purchase.

Tell him Lasermed sent you.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Gentle Truths

Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

A Few Things to ponder:

Most of us go to our grave with our music still inside of us.

If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing is free

You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the
world to one person. 

Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened.

We could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty,
some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different
colors....but they all exist very nicely in the same box.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than
standing in a garage makes you a car

I need a chocolate intervention.

Pretending I’m a pleasant person all day is exhausting.

If you love somebody enough, you can still hear the laughter after they’re gone.

Things just haven’t been the same since that house fell on my sister.

The voices in my head told me to buy more shoes.

Tough Times Never Last.  Tough People Do.

You never win a pissing match with a skunk.

Have an awesome day, and know that someone who thinks you're great
has thought about you today!

More stuff from friends on the internet.  Enjoy. 

Old People and Technology

(sent to me from a friend – enjoy your laugh)

I was in a cafe recently when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart. The music was really loud so I timed my fart with the beat of the music. After a couple of songs I started to feel better. I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me.

And suddenly I remembered I was listening to my iPod -- and how was your day?

That's what happens when old people start using technology!

Monday, April 23, 2012

Comcast - Big Company, Stupid Rules

I live in an area that is considered “rural”.  It isn’t by comparison to lots of areas, but large corporations use that term for service designations.  That way they can deny certain types of service.  Over many years, I have gotten somewhat used to it.  One disadvantage is that there is no way to threaten to leave a certain provider, because there is no other business that does the same thing in the area. 

Case in point:  We only have one cable provider.  Because I have been dealing with the same issue for the last two years without resolution, I will even use their name.  COMCAST has decided that they can only send my electronic bills to a comcast.net address.  I have been using one of those free provider addresses since before my children were born.  They are now getting ready to graduate from high school.  Comcast used to send the bills to that address.  Then I made the mistake of moving my office.  Don’t ever do that.

Now they send the bill to (drlasermed) @comcast.net.  I told the nice man that I talked to forever last Friday that I don’t have a comcast.net address.  He said that I did.  I told him I have been using the other one for about 20 years, I get all my mail there, and I don’t understand why I can’t get his bill there.  He says it’s a “security issue”.  They won’t send bills to anything but a comcast.net address.  It’s funny, because I finally got the office bill to come to the other address. 

I can’t even pay the home bill on the internet.  Comcast billing (or Xfinity to be exact) won’t accept my account for anything other than my office bill.  It won’t accept my home account payment.  If I want to pay over the phone, it will cost an extra $5.00. 

I finally gave up.  I had argued with several different people.  I did get the bill paid.  But they can’t fix the billing issue.  So, [insert shudder here] they are going to kill a tree every month and send me the bill in the mail.  I will kill a tree [insert another shudder] and send them a check in the mail back.  I’m not paying $5 to pay the bill over the phone [until postage goes up that much]. 

Why can’t business be reasonable?  What is so unsecure about sending an e-bill to yahoo or gmail or hotmail or any other internet address?  If you work for Comcast or know the answer, please let me know. 

Friday, April 20, 2012

THEN GOD CREATED MARYLAND (Even non-Marylanders should love this one.)

THEN GOD CREATED MARYLAND (Even non-Marylanders should love this one.)

 I have a backup of things my friends have sent me.  I’m going to try to post some of them to get caught up.  This is one.

God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired, "Where have you been?"

God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made."

Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is it?" "It's a planet," replied God, and I've put life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a place to test Balance."

"Balance?" inquired Michael, "I'm still confused."

God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth. "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over here I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people.

“Balance in all things." God continued pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land area and said, "What's that one?"

"That's Maryland, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes, forests, hills, the ocean and plains.  The people from Maryland are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to travel the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, carriers of peace, and producers of good things"

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked, "But what about balance, God? You said there would be balance."

God smiled, "Yes. Right next to Maryland is Washington, D.C. Wait till you see the idiots I put there."

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Various laws:

Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Brand vs. Generic vs. Generic

When doctors and pharmacists are in school, we are taught that brand and generics for medications are “therapeutically equivalent”.  Then we get out in the big world. 

In my professional experience, the first issue I had was with birth control pills.  Women would be fine on the brand pill.  Then, usually for financial or insurance reasons, they would be switched to a generic pill of the same thing.  The bleeding, spotting, cramping and irritability would start. 

We saw the same thing with hormone replacement drugs.  My dear departed office nurse used to argue with her pharmacy student daughter about these medications at the dinner table.  Finally, exasperated, she said, “then you answer my phone and tell all the patients that they are not having problems!”

I had issues with my “fluid pill” for my blood pressure, ending up with gout.  Fifteen years later, I still take medicine for this problem.  While I do have a family history, I had not had a problem until I went on the generic for the blood pressure medication. 

Patients tell me that “the green generic” for their medication works fine, but “the blue pill” doesn’t seem to work as well or at all.  Some patients will pay extra for brand medications because the generic doesn’t work.  Others have to increase the dose of the medication to get the same effect when they switch to generic. 

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Push this button:

There are many situations where this button would be appropriate. 

Try it.

I laughed. 


Saturday, April 14, 2012

Adults Behaving Badly

My son, Tall Guy, found this web site.  We read the list to each other and have had some of the best laughs we had in a long time.  If you have time, you should visit both of these lists.

This list is referred to at the bottom of skippy’s web site:

Both are lists of things that a military person is no longer supposed to do. A few from skippyslist include:

87. If the thought of something makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.

88. Must not refer to 1st Sgt as “Mom”.

89. Must not refer to the Commander as “Dad”.

90. Inflatable sheep do *not* need to be displayed during a room inspection.

91. I am not authorized to initiate Jihad.

92. When asked to give a few words at a military ceremony “Romper Bomper Stomper Boo” is probably not appropriate.

A few from the second list include:

  • Semper gumby (always flexible) is not the proper response to officers giving me orders to undo what they told me to do in the first place
  • I am not authorized to tip government vehicles on their sides during training to create a road block
  • Humvees are not authorized to go on beer runs, especially not to a drive thru


If you would like to add things you are no longer allowed to do in your hospital, office or clinic, this could be interesting.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Thoughts on Discipline with My Children

We have been having an online discussion on my doctor’s web site about parents that bring their children to the pediatrician because they “won’t behave”.   I was amazed that anyone would take their children to a doctor for this.  I’m still trying to work this out.

Discipline starts when children are very little.  It starts with love and being firm.  My children are indeed the center of my universe.  Still, they need to be civilized human beings, not wild beasts.

That's why I'm a "Mean Mom".  My kids started calling me that after they learned to talk.

I tell them that "I'm Mean because I love you", that they need to learn whatever. There is always love, even if "I don't like you very much right now".

I love to hear the stomping of feet as they go off to do what needs to be done. Or see that lip stick out. My Mom used to say "Stick it out a little farther so I can sit on it!" My younger brother was really good at it.

No physical punishment, but correction and correction and correction.  Then lots of hugs and kisses and snuggles. 

Funny when they start doing it back.  I love getting my language corrected by adolescents.  Sometimes they will correct my historical facts.  That’s OK.  If they are right, I will choke out the words, “I was .... wrong.

Stay involved in their lives, give them enough freedom to fly, roots to stay grounded and try to have enough wisdom to know the difference.

When you're not sure, call your Mom and ask.  That’s what I did when I left my 14 year old freshmen at a senior graduation party at the end of freshman year.  I think I talked to her for an hour.  They did great.  No alcohol.  Parental supervision.  Band geeks.  We all grew up that day. 

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Neighborly Kindnesses

Recently, Tall Guy and Three Speed have spent a lot of time “dog sitting” for our neighbors.  This couple moved in several years ago, and became our best neighborhood friends.  I hope everyone has a neighbor or friend like this.  I have had several over the years.  They are the kind of folks you can call any time you need help with something.  They’ll be there.  They’ll call if they need something, too.

For example:  We have worked out a sharing arrangement with the riding mower.  It belongs to the neighbor.  He lets us use it.  My kids mow both lawns.  We buy gas (most of the time).  I feed and water the human kids.  They keep the canine kids out of the way when the mower is running.

The husband helped chop up our tree that fell over in a bad storm a couple of years ago.  He kept some of the wood for his woodworking.  We boxed up a bunch of it and took it to a little old lady (she’s in her 80’s) down the street who heats mostly with wood.  It saves her fuel bills, and is community service for the kids. 

I can remember babysitting for neighbors over the years.  We would house sit, water plants, walk dogs, mow lawns, take in mail and newspapers, and many other little things that needed to be done.  If someone was sick or in the hospital, dinners would magically appear.  The same thing happened after births or deaths.  The neighborhood took over the kitchen so Mom didn’t have to do the dishes, either.  

It’s the little kindnesses like these that are missing these days.  We seem to have disconnected from each other gradually.  The “Me Generation” puts themselves first.  They don’t think about the effect of what they do on others. 

How hard is it to open a door for someone who is coming in behind you?  Especially if this person is elderly, has difficulty walking, is dealing with small children or carrying lots of things?  Does it really take any longer to say “Please”, “Thank You”, or “You’re Welcome”?  Does it hurt to say “Sir” or “Ma’am”?

I know these are “old fashioned”.  But I sure get lots of smiles from them every day.  Respect others and see what you get back.  It doesn’t always work, but it just might make some other people’s days more pleasant.  Who knows what might happen if we all did it?  :-)

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Do you remember these?

My sister sent me this.

Do you remember putting these in the middle of your 45’s?  So they would fit on the little spindle in your hi-fi?  We could play the Beatles and the Bee Gees. 

This was all before 8 tracks…. And transistor radios…. And boom boxes…. And cassette tapes….

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Techno Dinosaur April 8, 2012

Techno Dinosaur April 8, 2012

Today there are multiple issues from me, the techno dinosaur.  When I try to do stuff on the computer or the internet, some days I just get frustrated.

My favorite web site for doctors to bitch and complain has just gone to the cloud.  Now, half the time I try to check in, I get:

 Sorry, we were unable to locate the page you requested.

It might have been removed or might be temporarily unavailable. If you typed the page address in the address bar, please make sure that it is spelled correctly and try again. Or, you can go to our HOME PAGE and try a new Search for Postings.

Return to the (name removed to protect the guilty) homepage

I have posted a question about this, but their tech people won’t be in until tomorrow. 

I also tried to copy you a really cool youtube video that someone had on their web site.  All I could get was the URL.  I have no idea why.

Computer Guy was working on my office computer last week.  He works while gaming with my kids after being fed my Mr. Lasermed.  I took the computer back to the office and found out he had deleted the entire office medical record system.  Unfortunately, the kids were out of school, so I went in late.  I found this out 15 minutes before I was supposed to start patients.


I hope Computer Guy is having a great vacation with his real family.  My computer is waiting for him when he comes back.  (He restored it before he left).


Thursday, April 5, 2012

Blog Changes

I made a few changes to the blog’s appearance today.  I thought it was time for some spring cleaning. 

If you have any comments or suggestions, please leave a comment. 

I was thinking about a pattern in the background behind the blog, but I find that distracting when I read everyone else’s.

I think I like the new softer colors.  What do you think?

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Stopping your medications

I have many patients who tell me that they stopped their medications because they are “feeling fine now”.  Or they have “gone to the clinic” and been told they don’t have to take the medication anymore because their blood pressure is fine or their blood sugar is in the normal range now.


Do not listen to this advice.  Please get another opinion. 

I have a patient now who was told to stop taking her multiple medications for her blood sugar because her levels were normal.  Her medicines included insulin (the shots) and two different types of pills.  Her blood sugars are now in the 400 range (normal fasting under 120, after meals under 150). 

I have been working with her some, but this is not my specialty.  We are down to about 250.  These levels are still UNACCEPTABLE.  She probably needs to go back on insulin – which requires someone who knows how to make those plans.  Generally speaking, this is not your local gynecologist.

Sort of FYI: other medications you definitely should not stop without getting medical advice include medicines for blood pressure, thyroid or any other hormone, any chemotherapy, antidepressants or any other medicine for your mental health.

If you are on hormone replacement from your gynecologist, you should talk to your gynecologist, not another physician about this.  We probably know more about the effects of hormones on your heart, bone, skin, bladder, uterus, hair, mental health and any other body part than any other type of doctor. 

We spend lots of years learning about this stuff.  We keep learning.  It’s required.  Besides, most of us think it’s kind of fun.  So ask a doctor about your medicines.  Not your mother, your sister or your neighbor.  Unless they happen to be a doctor. 

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Yesterday’s Answer

For those who can’t “see” it, the bookcase says





I like the message: read your book.

Use these promotional codes for books and fill those creative shelves!