“Healthy Eating”

There was an item on the news about a bill in our legislature that was going to ban drive through windows at fast food restaurants.  Thank goodness the legislature came to its senses and defeated the bill.

I believe that the purpose of this bill was to address the problem of obesity in our state.  There are better ways to do this, IMO.

We discussed this a little at my house.  Then it was time for Mr. Impatient and I to make our weekly pilgrimage to SAMS club.  (I spoke with their employees.  Laura and Brenda said I could use their name on my blog.  I generally have good things to say about them.)

Mr. Impatient was quite disturbed about the drive through windows going away.  We had a long discussion about healthy foods.  We discussed eating more vegetables and fruits and less sugary and fatty foods.

With most children, having this discussion would lead to a few more questions.  Not with Mr. Impatient.  His autism has kicked in big time.  We have discussed every food he eats and whether or not it is healthy.  He is “eating well” or “eating healthy”.  There is now a limit to the fries or the chips. 

He even asked if he is “fat”.  The answer is, unfortunately, yes.  I admit that Mom is, too.   I refused to answer for anyone else at the table.  They had to admit their own guilt or innocence.  Oh, what fun that little failed bill has been at my house.

I need to go buy some more strawberries and bananas. 

Another Routine Disturbance. Sigh!

Will the people who changed the timing for the traffic light please fix it?

Like most people, we drive the same way to school every day.  There really aren’t a lot of choices for us. 

Last week the State Road people were installing a new traffic light along the route.  It replaced one that was already there, so there shouldn’t be any problem.  WRONG!!!!  When they installed it, they didn’t time it the same as it was before.  Traffic is backed up significantly at busy times of day. 

One of those times is when we are going to high school in the morning.  It disturbs Mr. Impatient.  He gets upset and fusses about it.  Then he “perseverates” about it all day.  Mr. Lasermed and I (and Tall Guy and Three Speed) have had to listen to this since last Friday.  That’s when they finished changing the light.

Last night, it went on for about 2 hours. 

Can the people responsible for fixing the timing on the traffic lights please do their jobs? 

Thank you.

New Video Games, Autism Style

Teenagers these days seem to be addicted to their video games.  Mine are no exception.  They have learned to save and scrimp to pay for their games.  I don’t pay for the games directly.  I might pay them for mowing the lawn or something else, but they pay for the games. 

They spend a lot of time at the video stores.  The people who work at the two local ones have gotten to know them really well.  I have become a useless appendage.  I make sure they have the “club” card, and then wait in the car with my book or my latest crochet project.  Everyone is happy with that arrangement.

Mr. Impatient likes a lot of the old games.  He can generally find games for less than $10 – sometimes less than $2.  We call him the King of Cheap Games.  I’ve seen him get 6 games for less than $10.  He has also bought games on Amazon for $0.01 (plus $3.99 shipping and handling!).

Occasionally he gets really excited about a brand new sports type game.  He has to have it as soon as it comes out.  He will pay full price for it.  I make sure he has enough money in his money pouch (and the club card).  He gets very agitated about who has to have the car after school and who can drive him to the game store.  He has finally learned to go in by himself if Mom is driving.  If the other guys are with him, they will go in because they like to look at the games, too.

Yesterday was one such occasion.  Tall Guy took him to get the game.  They recognized him at the store.  The sales person was quite surprised.  He said, “I’ve never seen you pay this much for a game before!” 

After they came home, he went to his room to play the new game.  We had to drag him out of his room for dinner.  Otherwise, we didn’t see him the whole evening.  That’s one advantage to new video games. 

Autism and Emergencies

This is an interesting video about helping autistic people in case of emergency. 

http://todayhealth.today.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/03/01/10543990-autism-rescue-firefighter-teaches-how-to-help-autistic-people-in-emergencies?ocid=twitter

The man who developed the program is a fire fighter with an autistic son.  He explains how most autistic people are fixated on their routines.  An emergency is definitely out of their routine.  They get excited.  I would say agitated.

Many autistics cannot speak or communicate properly.  When they are upset, they may make funny noises, abnormal gestures like “flapping”, run around, or be absolutely still.  To calm them down, one technique is the “bear hug”.  It works on my son, Mr. Impatient. 

The video is worth watching. 

Negotiating My Lunch Date

My autistic son, Mr. Impatient, often makes announcements about what he wants to do on certain dates.  He doesn’t ask, he just announces.  This week he announced that he wanted to go out for pizza on Saturday.  He loves to go out on what I call a “lunch date” on Saturday “just me and Mom”.

Another feature of autism is the love of routines.  For the last million years or so, we have had to have pizza on Thursday night.  That’s the night that Three Speed and Tall Guy go to Boy Scouts.  They pick up pizza at the local joint on the way home.  We have trouble right now because MI’s favorite place is closed for renovations.

I explained to MI that grown-ups get tired of eating pizza after a while.  It was the same thing with McDonalds when my boys went through that phase.  I got to the point where I almost got sick when I walked in.  Thank goodness I’m over it now.  But I can’t tolerate the concept of pizza more than once a week.  Some weeks I think once is too much. 

This whole conversation was extremely difficult for my poor son to understand.  How could anyone get too much pizza?  He was very confused.  I vaguely remember that concept from my teenage years back in the stone ages.  The explanation took almost the whole drive to the big box store that we go to every Friday.  That is another routine we have established that I would miss if we didn’t do.

But I wouldn’t miss the pizza.

So I negotiated other restaurants.  The place we went to in this post is one of them:

Mini Melt Down in a Restaurant: http://dr-lasermed.blogspot.com/2012/02/mini-meltdown-in-restaurant.html

I still don’t want to go back to the pizza places. 

When Something is Wrong With Your Child

A parent knows his or her children.  As a Mom of triplets, I often say “I have age-matched controls”.  In other words, I have two others who are EXACTLY the same age (OK, there is a 4 minute difference, but, for purposes of comparison, we can call it exactly).  If they are not doing things at about the same age, I know there is a problem.  

I do try not to over-react.  I also remember that they are individuals.  The boys are fraternal, so I expect some variability.  They started getting teeth at different times.  Mr. Impatient was last, then he got five in one week.  Poor guy.  Walking was within a month or so, but Mr. Impatient didn’t walk for six months after the other two.  It turns out he had a foot problem that should have been addressed at that time. 

My pediatrician told me that Mr. Impatient was “just a little slow”.  Just like the teachers at school told me that Three Speed was “just being a normal boy”.  I listened at first, but things just didn’t seem to be right, so I got other opinions.  Mr. Impatient is autistic.  Three Speed has ADD.  Dealing with their problems has made a major difference in our lives.  Then we had Tall Guy tested.  He's in the accelerated program.  His IQ is way up there.  Three Speed might have been there, too, but he couldn't pay attention.  

Mr. Impatient got early intervention, special classes, speech therapy, occupational therapy, physical therapy, social services, a special diet, and appropriate medical interventions for other problems as they came up.  He has had a pediatric metabolic geneticist, a pulmonologist, an ophthalmologist, ……   He finally started talking when he was six.  We still work with him all the time.  He continues to make amazing progress. 

Three Speed’s teachers weren’t convinced about the ADD.  That is, until his pediatrician started him on medication.  I had several of them stop me in the hall and tell me that he was a different child.  He wasn’t a bad kid, just wasn’t reaching his full potential because he couldn’t focus.  These are the same teachers who didn’t believe me.  A parent knows. 

If you are concerned about your child, get a professional opinion.  Sometimes getting a second or even a third opinion from someone who doesn’t know the child well and can look at him or her with fresh eyes may help.  It worked for me. 

“Out of Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches, Mom”

Mr. Impatient has learned to make his lunch for school.  This morning he hollered up the steps:

“Out of Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches, Mom.”

“What?”
“Out of Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches, Mom.”

“Do we still have bread?”

“Yup.”

“Do we still have jelly?”

“Yup.”

“Are we out of Peanut Butter?”

“Yes, Mom!”

“I’ll be right down to show you where the extra jar is.”

I also showed him how to scrape the jar and get another couple of days out of it.  And we put PB on the list for our next shopping day.

This is almost word for word the conversation we had this morning.  I’m not exactly positive, because I hadn’t had coffee yet. 

Autistic minds are just a little different.

For Mr. Impatient:

Black Shoes

Autistic Children and Habit

Mr. Impatient went to the pulmonologist the other day.  He is doing well with his asthma.  When he took off his shoes to get weighed, he told me he needed new shoes.  They looked fine to me!

When we got home, I looked at his shoes.  Sure enough, there were holes in the sides of his shoes.  I really can’t remember when he got shoes.  I’m sure if I asked him, he could tell me. 

He fussed and fussed that evening and the next morning until I promised I would take him after school to get shoes.  We had a meeting to go to first.  He fussed throughout the meeting about his shoes. 

When we got to the shoe store, he headed right to the sneakers.  He wanted “black shoes”.   He won’t wear any other kind.  He has a specific brand that he likes.  I thought he wanted Velcro, because he doesn’t tie shoes.  Nope.  He wants tie shoes.  Mom gets to tie them.  Dad and other people do too, but it seems to me that it’s my job most of the time.

We picked out a shoe that looks almost the same as the ones with the holes, tried it on for fit, laced it up and tied it.  I made him walk up and down the aisle.  He was done.  No more fussing.  He was ready to pay and go home.  I asked if he wanted to try another color.  “NO, Mom!” 

Off we went.  

Of course, I don’t take him shoe shopping with me unless I want …… black shoes!

Based on One Test

Denial of services because the child is “no longer retarded enough”

I am acquainted with a family who is currently fighting a denial of further services for their autistic child.  This child has been getting social services for many years.  He is a pleasant child.  The family works hard with the child.  He has made amazing progress over the years. 

He did not speak when he started school.  He now does speak, but is not always understandable.  He has many typical autistic behaviors.  He has been working with a social service agency, social workers, special education teachers in school, speech therapists, and hard working parents.  He continues to make progress.

The psychologist changed tests at his last evaluation.  His IQ went up twenty points!  Some of his other “daily life activities” scores went up.  The parents tell me that the booklet they filled out about activities of daily life is being ignored because the psychologist won’t sign it.  He says it is because he wasn’t there when it was filled out.

Two people from the agency (which is located 500 miles away) who have never met the child have determined that he is no longer eligible for services.  This is based on numbers that have made a jump in the last year.  They are based on one test and are not consistent with testing done over the last decade or more.

The psychologist and physician both specifically state that he needs to continue services or go to a group home.  The social workers agree.  The parents want to keep him at home, but admit that they need help. 

There is an appeals process, but the parents are not hopeful that anything will be changed. 

What’s up with this?  One test? 

Triplet Stuff 2 - Same Classroom or Not?

This is a dilemma that is faced by every parent who has multiple children entering the same grade.  Do you put your children in the same classroom or not?

I think the answer varies from family to family and from child to child.  It also varied for us from year to year and from child to child.  So, for me, the answer is a big maybe.  Here are some of the reasons why.

1.     One of my sons is autistic.   When he was small, most of his learning was in a special education environment.  He needed to be separated from his brothers so they did not feel the need to “care” for him. 

2.     When my boys were very small (preschool), they seemed to need to be near each other.  Besides:

3.     There was only one preschool classroom for the 3 year olds, 4 year olds, etc.  By necessity, they had to be in the same class.  When the kids entered regular school, there were multiple classrooms of the same age children. We could then decide.

4.     Some schools have a policy about twins and more.  Ours did not.  I would use that as a guideline.  If you feel that you need to do something different for your children, push to do what’s best.  I have always done this for my kids.  I call it “being a Mom”.

5.     When my boys were in kindergarten, one of them was much more advanced at reading.  The other was much more advanced in math.  Evidently they made a pact between the two of them that one of them would do the reading and the other would do the math.  This is when we decided that perhaps it would be a good idea to separate them for a while.  They weren’t too happy.  I think they had become too dependent on each other. 

6.     Another issue can be jealousy or competition.  Some children do not do well if one of the others is better at something.  While they do need to learn to deal with this, it can be better to have them in separate classrooms for a while for parent sanity.  The only insane part of this was having the same spelling list three weeks in a row.  Of course, running through the same spelling list with three children the same week wasn’t much better!

7.     Remember that the school counselors, teachers and administration have probably “been there” before.  Most of the time they are willing to help you work it out if you go in with a positive attitude that we are all there to help the children.

8.     As the children advance in school, there will be classes that are only offered once a day.  For example, there is only one section of marching band. (Go, Eagles!) Two of them are in the band.   Since they have opted to play different instruments, they don’t sit next to each other.  The other one and I are the cheering section.  Mr. Lasermed is president of Band Boosters this year.  I think he lives in the concession stand.

The moral of this whole story is that it is important to be flexible and to do what feels right for your children.  What worked for my kids might not work for yours.  It’s also helpful to take advice from other moms and from educators.  Listen to your kids, too.  The whole goal is to get them the best education that we can with the least amount of stress for everyone. 

Autism, the I-Pad and Speech

Personal Reflections

I just watched a story on 60 Minutes about how some schools are using the I-Pad to help autistic children communicate and learn.  It doesn’t work for all of them, but it does work for some.  Most of these children were small.  They looked to be between 4 and 7.

I remember the frustration of trying to unlock communication.  My autistic son didn’t start speaking until he was around six years old.  We tried all kinds of different things.  American Sign Language (ASL) was helpful.  I think something like the I-Pad would have been wonderful if it had been available at that time.  Mr. Impatient is a whiz at computers. 

There were several mothers who talked about how difficult it is to not be able to understand what is inside those little guys.  I could see the tears welling as they talked about their precious children.  Any small progress is like moving mountains.  In fact, I started tearing up as I watched this program.

I still remember the very first time my son said “I love you, Mommy.”  It was one of the sweetest moments.  I waited a long time to hear it.

He Said What?

Work Exploration Subversion

I absolutely love to try and understand what goes on inside the head of my autistic son.  He is very intelligent, but sometimes doesn’t quite understand things.

There is a wonderful program in our school system for the high school students who have learning difficulties.  It’s called Work Exploration.  Those who participate spend a portion of their time at a local business learning to do the jobs that you would do if you worked there.  My son has worked at an animal clinic, a local farmer’s market, and a national fast food chain. 

Right now Mr. Impatient is working at a Gym.  He seems to be quite happy.  I try to ask him what he does every week after he goes to the business.  Sometimes his answers are interesting.  This week he was “sabotaging the machines”.

I asked for an explanation.   He said “you know, Mom, wiping them down with the cleaning stuff.” Oh, sterilizing them.  Got it. 

You gotta love them. 

There’s a Fist Fight in the Back Seat of My Car

I have an autistic child and am just fed up!

One weekend my autistic son, Mr. Impatient, lost something that was very important to him. (The memory cards to his Play Station). We all looked everywhere. I spent a couple of hours searching his room, as did both of his brothers, with no luck. He became progressively more agitated. We knew they were somewhere in the house. I did not want to purchase new ones due to cost and to teach him responsibility.

I had tried every technique that I knew to calm him down, and had finally promised that we would go Monday after school and purchase new cards, since we had spent two days looking for the old ones. (Which, BTW, were found two hours after the new ones were purchased.)

Monday morning, on the way to school, he continued to perseverate about this. Finally, he turned to his brother, Three Speed, and socked him in the face, causing a nose bleed. This occurred just as we turned into the school parking lot. Three Speed retaliated. Fist fight in the back seat. Note that boys are 16, each well over 200 pounds and over 5 foot 10”.

We so very rarely have physical interactions like this. Usually I can see the "mad face" and can head him off at the pass. We had been dealing with this all weekend, and I had promised to buy new memory cards after school.

I can't see their faces when I am driving. If I had thought he was going to go ballistic, I would have put him in the front seat. He can't hurt the others when he is seat belted in the front seat. And he won't hurt me.

Do you have days when you are just fed up with your kids? I wanted to just run away!  I didn’t, but I cried all the way to the office.

I know I'm not a failure, but some days......

Most days are soooo much better. This was just a really, really bad one.

We have all learned coping and redirecting techniques over the years. I just really missed on this one. And usually the fist fights don't happen in the back seat. I usually don't drive up to school with a kid with a nosebleed.

Just sometimes I hate autism.  It bites that we have to live with it.

Not that I don't love them. I really, really do. But it's lots and lots of work. It’s much more work than I ever thought it would be. 

Plane Crash, Hockey and Autism

Yesterday there was a terrible plane accident in Russia.  Why am I writing about this?  Because the passengers were an entire European hockey team.  My autistic son is devastated.  He follows sports and memorizes statistics.  He has done this for years.  Hockey is one of his favorite sports.

He told me about this accident practically as soon as I came in the door last night.  I had to get on the internet, because it wasn’t on our news.  As I was reading the story on Yahoo, he was telling me every team that the players had played for.  It’s like he actually knows each and every one of these players and coaches personally. 

This is all he has talked about since yesterday.  He wants to know when the funeral is going to be.  He is concerned about rebuilding the team.  He keeps saying it is a “terrible tragedy”, which indeed it is.  He is going to go to school and tell his teachers all about it.  I made sure his brothers knew all about what is going on, in case the teachers get confused.  That’s one of the cool things about having triplets.  I still may get a phone call, because he may act out in school today.

We have to be “pro-active” when there may be abnormal behaviors with our autistic child.  Things that upset him sometimes cause behaviors that are somewhat abnormal.  It’s important to be extra vigilant when there is a major event in his life.  Hopefully, because we have decompressed and distracted, we will avoid a major blow up. 

Our lives are definitely NOT average.

Shopping with Mr. Impatient

One of my favorite bookstores is going out of business.  While I am sad about this, I thought I would pick up a few bargains.  I love to read.  The idea of new books for small prices was just too tempting. 

It was also my day to take Mr. Impatient to the big box store.  I thought I could get him primed by feeding him first.  So we went to that International place that serves Pancakes.  He got his usual.  That would be chicken strips and French Fries, no honey mustard sauce with a drink without ice.  I got my usual veggie omelet, and he ate my pancakes.  Coffee woke me up. 

Well, they have moved everything inside the bookstore.  He couldn’t find anything that he wanted.  I don’t believe I’ve ever heard the phrase: “Mom, can we check out?” quite so many times before.

Autism is such fun. 

FYI:  I did “get my Norwegian up” as my husband likes to say.  That means I got stubborn.  I bought about 5 paperbacks before I couldn’t stand the noise.

Autism, ADD, and a Football Game

What Were They Thinking?

My band kids played for their first football game last night.  They are still in high school.  They played an away game on a Thursday night.  I’m not sure exactly what time they got home, because I fell asleep in my chair.  It was sometime after 11 PM.

This morning, I couldn’t get Three Speed moving.  He was in his STOP mode.  Mr. Impatient got up at 5:06, did his breathing treatment, made his lunch, and was ready to go by 5:30.  School starts at 7:45.

I woke up in the chair about 4:30 in the morning, and was taking my night time pills when Mr. Impatient came downstairs.  I still had to take my shower and get dressed.  So I fell asleep waiting for it to be time to wake up Three Speed and Tall Guy. 

I still had the PB&J sandwich to make for Mr. Impatient.  He’s on strike about making them for himself.  Gotta love autism.  And there was no caffeine containing soda in the refrigerator except the energy drink that Three Speed needs to get him motivated in the morning before his ADD medicine kicks in.

Then we were late.

We ran into the next door neighbor (figuratively) on the way out the door.  One of her dogs died of cancer the day before yesterday.  She was walking two others.  We had to stop for a quick hug. 

Mr. Impatient was perseverating all the way to school about being late.  Breathe, Mom. 

Now, what was the school system thinking scheduling that danged football game so late?????

The “S” Word

We have some “different” bad words at my house. 

One of my children is autistic.  This does not have anything to do with his intelligence.  If we could actually get an accurate IQ test, he would probably score somewhere in the genius level.  Just don’t ask a “why” question.

When my kids were small, we developed some special words that are forbidden.  My children are not allowed to use them.  There are occasional interesting situations.  I sometimes will use the words when driving.  This usually occurs when I have been cut off a couple of times.  So there were three little 8 year olds rushing in the house screaming, “Daddy, Mommy used the ‘I’ word!”

For your reference, the words that I would like to have removed from people’s vocabulary – and I did try to remove from the vocabulary at my house are:

the “S” word – stupid

the “I” word – idiot

the “R” word – retarded

I find there is no reason to use them except if someone isn’t watching when they drive.